7 weeks. that’s all it takes to settle down. settle down well, or not, that’s another thing. right now i sincerely hope that someday, i’ll look at back what i’m writing, and be able to tell myself, ‘hey, you know what, it might seem so impossible, to hit those notes, play with those style, ace those excerpts, make a good impression playing-wise, and have a certain degree of success, and enjoy all of it at the same time; but it’s all been worth it.’ studying music as a fraction of the JC curriculum has helped, but performance-wise..its a long walk through the tunnel and i don’t see any light.
tomorrow i’m having one more lesson with my teacher before the national orchestra flies off on tour, and that only means independence and tons of free time. and self-discipline. i’m having friends telling me they feel so screwed as they cannot manage their workload, their english, their theory homework. i can only give a shrug. as much as i’m surviving in those areas, it’s a long and hard fight to stay alive on the instrument. i need to remember how to enjoy music once again.
it’s a strange world. i can remember how, from the ecstasy of the university orchestra concert and the delight of playing at least decent for the solos and enjoying it, to the very next next day’s individual lesson in the conservatory bringing every ounce of positive energy to a dead stop. hauled back down to the earth. twice i’ve had lessons which end with a really negative level of optimism. twice is really enough. i really wish for humility and tons of self-discipline.
i’ll check back here in half a year’s time when the first year finally ends, hopefully in a more positive shell. thankful for a couple of lessons from two of the better professors which i look forward to on a weekly basis. one of them introduced us to Jane Monheit. love her take on ‘Somwhere Over The Rainbow’ 
